Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme
Television's prominent comedians spent the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.
The Late Show's Witty Spin
Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."
Colbert's target was the new plan which permits international nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" version for 5 million. An official website guarantees approval "faster than ever."
"One message for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the program is also intended to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.
"The most thorough vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.
This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.
