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As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.