The Advice from A Father Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."